Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Article on FORGIVENESS
Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance.
But when you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What is forgiveness?
There's no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision (choice!) to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Doesn't forgiving someone mean you're forgetting or condoning what happened?
Absolutely not! Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:
0. Lower blood pressure
0. Stress reduction
0. Less hostility
0. Better anger management skills
0. Lower heart rate
0. Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
0. Fewer depression symptoms
0. Fewer anxiety symptoms
0. Reduction in chronic pain
0. More friendships
0. Healthier relationships
0. Greater religious or spiritual well-being
0. Improved psychological well-being
Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving?
The people most likely to hurt us are those closest to us — our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we're hurt by someone we love and trust — whether it's a lie, betrayal, rejection, abuse or insult — it can be extremely difficult to overcome. And even minor offenses can turn into huge conflicts.
When you experience hurt or harm from someone's actions or words, whether this is intended or not, you may begin experiencing negative feelings such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when it's someone close to you. These feelings may start out small. But if you don't deal with them quickly, they can grow bigger and more powerful. They may even begin to crowd out positive feelings. Grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility take root when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, replaying them in your mind many times.
Soon, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You may feel trapped and may not see a way out. It's very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unforgiving.
How do I know it's time to try to embrace forgiveness?
When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we're unforgiving, it's we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can't enjoy the present. Other signs that it may be time to consider forgiveness include:
0. Dwelling on the events surrounding the offense
0. Hearing from others that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you're wallowing in self-pity
0. Being avoided by family and friends because they don't enjoy being around you
0. Having angry outbursts at the smallest perceived slights
0. Often feeling misunderstood
0. Drinking excessively, smoking or using drugs to try to cope with your pain
0. Having symptoms of depression or anxiety
0. Being consumed by a desire for revenge or punishment
0. Automatically thinking the worst about people or situations
0. Regretting the loss of a valued relationship
0. Feeling like your life lacks meaning or purpose
0. Feeling at odds with your religious or spiritual beliefs
The bottom line is that you may often feel miserable in your current life.
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it can take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness a little differently. One step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we've reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives.
Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we'll no longer define our lives by how we've been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.
What happens if I can't forgive someone?
Forgiveness can be very challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of their sorrow. Keep in mind that the key benefits of forgiveness are for you. If you find yourself stuck, it may be helpful to take some time to talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an unbiased family member or friend.
It may also be helpful to reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. As you recall how you felt, it may help you to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be beneficial to pray, use guided meditation or journal. In any case, if the intention to forgive is present, forgiveness will come in its time.
Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?
Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible because the offender has died. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if you were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if reconciliation isn't.
On the other hand, if the hurtful event involved a family member or friend whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This may not happen quickly, as you both may need time to re-establish trust. But in the end, your relationship may very well be one that is rich and fulfilling.
What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want to?
These situations are difficult. If the hurt involves a family member, it may not always be possible to avoid him or her entirely. You may be invited to the same family holiday gatherings, for instance. If you've reached a state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these gatherings without bringing up the old hurts. If you haven't reached forgiveness, these gatherings may be tense and stressful for everyone, particularly if other family members have chosen sides in the conflict.
So how do you handle this? First, remember that you do have a choice whether to attend or not attend family get-togethers. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to go, don't be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. It's important to keep an eye on those feelings. You don't want them to lead you to be unjust or unkind in return for what was done to you.
Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to try to numb your feelings or feel better — it'll likely backfire. And keep an open heart and mind. People do change, and perhaps the offender will want to apologize or make amends. You also may find that the gathering helps you to move forward with forgiveness.
How do I know when I've truly forgiven someone?
Forgiveness may result in sincerely spoken words such as "I forgive you" or tender actions that fit the relationship. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. The offense is no longer front and center in your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace.
Also, remember that forgiveness often isn't a one-time thing. It begins with a decision, but because memories or another set of words or actions may trigger old feelings, you may need to recommit to forgiveness over and over again.
What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?
Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.
Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim. Forgiveness is done primarily for yourself, and less so for the person who wronged you.
What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?
It may help to spend some time thinking about the offense you've committed and trying to determine the effect it has had on others. Unless it may cause more harm or distress, consider admitting the wrong you've done to those you've harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses.
But if this seems unwise because it may further harm or distress, don't do it — it's not about making yourself feel better by apologizing. You don't want to add salt to a painful wound. Also, keep in mind that you can't force someone to forgive you. They will need to move to forgiveness in their own time.
In any case, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Holding on to resentment against yourself can be just as toxic as holding on to resentment against someone else. Recognize that poor behavior or mistakes don't make you worthless or bad.
Accept the fact that you — like everyone else — aren't perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual leader, mental health provider or trusted friend or relative may be helpful.
Forgiveness of yourself or someone else, though not easy, can transform your life. Instead of dwelling on the injustice and revenge, instead of being angry and bitter, you can move toward a life of peace, compassion, mercy, joy and kindness.
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.
Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.
Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance.
But when you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What is forgiveness?
There's no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision (choice!) to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Doesn't forgiving someone mean you're forgetting or condoning what happened?
Absolutely not! Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:
0. Lower blood pressure
0. Stress reduction
0. Less hostility
0. Better anger management skills
0. Lower heart rate
0. Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
0. Fewer depression symptoms
0. Fewer anxiety symptoms
0. Reduction in chronic pain
0. More friendships
0. Healthier relationships
0. Greater religious or spiritual well-being
0. Improved psychological well-being
Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving?
The people most likely to hurt us are those closest to us — our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we're hurt by someone we love and trust — whether it's a lie, betrayal, rejection, abuse or insult — it can be extremely difficult to overcome. And even minor offenses can turn into huge conflicts.
When you experience hurt or harm from someone's actions or words, whether this is intended or not, you may begin experiencing negative feelings such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when it's someone close to you. These feelings may start out small. But if you don't deal with them quickly, they can grow bigger and more powerful. They may even begin to crowd out positive feelings. Grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility take root when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, replaying them in your mind many times.
Soon, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You may feel trapped and may not see a way out. It's very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unforgiving.
How do I know it's time to try to embrace forgiveness?
When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we're unforgiving, it's we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can't enjoy the present. Other signs that it may be time to consider forgiveness include:
0. Dwelling on the events surrounding the offense
0. Hearing from others that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you're wallowing in self-pity
0. Being avoided by family and friends because they don't enjoy being around you
0. Having angry outbursts at the smallest perceived slights
0. Often feeling misunderstood
0. Drinking excessively, smoking or using drugs to try to cope with your pain
0. Having symptoms of depression or anxiety
0. Being consumed by a desire for revenge or punishment
0. Automatically thinking the worst about people or situations
0. Regretting the loss of a valued relationship
0. Feeling like your life lacks meaning or purpose
0. Feeling at odds with your religious or spiritual beliefs
The bottom line is that you may often feel miserable in your current life.
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it can take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness a little differently. One step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we've reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives.
Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we'll no longer define our lives by how we've been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.
What happens if I can't forgive someone?
Forgiveness can be very challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of their sorrow. Keep in mind that the key benefits of forgiveness are for you. If you find yourself stuck, it may be helpful to take some time to talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an unbiased family member or friend.
It may also be helpful to reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. As you recall how you felt, it may help you to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be beneficial to pray, use guided meditation or journal. In any case, if the intention to forgive is present, forgiveness will come in its time.
Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?
Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible because the offender has died. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if you were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if reconciliation isn't.
On the other hand, if the hurtful event involved a family member or friend whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This may not happen quickly, as you both may need time to re-establish trust. But in the end, your relationship may very well be one that is rich and fulfilling.
What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want to?
These situations are difficult. If the hurt involves a family member, it may not always be possible to avoid him or her entirely. You may be invited to the same family holiday gatherings, for instance. If you've reached a state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these gatherings without bringing up the old hurts. If you haven't reached forgiveness, these gatherings may be tense and stressful for everyone, particularly if other family members have chosen sides in the conflict.
So how do you handle this? First, remember that you do have a choice whether to attend or not attend family get-togethers. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to go, don't be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. It's important to keep an eye on those feelings. You don't want them to lead you to be unjust or unkind in return for what was done to you.
Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to try to numb your feelings or feel better — it'll likely backfire. And keep an open heart and mind. People do change, and perhaps the offender will want to apologize or make amends. You also may find that the gathering helps you to move forward with forgiveness.
How do I know when I've truly forgiven someone?
Forgiveness may result in sincerely spoken words such as "I forgive you" or tender actions that fit the relationship. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. The offense is no longer front and center in your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace.
Also, remember that forgiveness often isn't a one-time thing. It begins with a decision, but because memories or another set of words or actions may trigger old feelings, you may need to recommit to forgiveness over and over again.
What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?
Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.
Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim. Forgiveness is done primarily for yourself, and less so for the person who wronged you.
What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?
It may help to spend some time thinking about the offense you've committed and trying to determine the effect it has had on others. Unless it may cause more harm or distress, consider admitting the wrong you've done to those you've harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses.
But if this seems unwise because it may further harm or distress, don't do it — it's not about making yourself feel better by apologizing. You don't want to add salt to a painful wound. Also, keep in mind that you can't force someone to forgive you. They will need to move to forgiveness in their own time.
In any case, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Holding on to resentment against yourself can be just as toxic as holding on to resentment against someone else. Recognize that poor behavior or mistakes don't make you worthless or bad.
Accept the fact that you — like everyone else — aren't perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual leader, mental health provider or trusted friend or relative may be helpful.
Forgiveness of yourself or someone else, though not easy, can transform your life. Instead of dwelling on the injustice and revenge, instead of being angry and bitter, you can move toward a life of peace, compassion, mercy, joy and kindness.
Old old version of the HATS chapter
this is something that I going to scrap....CAUSE IM REWRITING THE CHAPTER
It has yet to be edited and has a lot of missing parts. Notice the "....." these are the sections that were left unfinished.
I will be re writing the chapter so please give me some insights on what you thought about this entry so far.
I haven't touched on the importance of building goodwill yet. That is the part on the vitality of having an UMBRELLA in times of intense heat and rain.
Comments are greatly appreciated.
HATS
Something that people can observe from afar, something that people can distinguish you from a crowd.
Look out for Tom, he's always wearing a red trucker cap. The "hat" never changes, it is distinct and static
"Hey Jac!" my friend, Bob as he walked across the coffee place. Smiling, he drew a pink trucker cap from behind him.
"Happy Birthday!", as he plopped it over my head.
Taking the cap off my head, I took a look at its shocking pink color and rather morbid picture of a human brain on the front.
"Geez... thanks Bob, this is what I always wanted!" I smirked, keeping a relatively amused smile on my face. "Are you trying to say that I don't have brains and that I have to wear a hat advertising this message of intelligence?
Bob laughed, "Well I know it annoys you when people think you're just ditzy and lack of substance. Is that one of your greatest pet peeves? And especially when people are pre-sumptuous of your capabilities and identity..."
"Err yah I guess. .. but I still don't think that wearing a cap like this is the best way to get that message across," I smiled.
"Anyways, how did your interview go yesterday?..... Hey... you alright?" I asked as I noticed his change of tone.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Its just a bad interview yesterday. The moment I gave my resume, I knew it was all downhill. They even asked why I did not have a degree! What does that matter with who I am or what I can do?" he fumed in disappointment and disgust.
I could relate to Bob's frustration. Its a frustration that is shared by millions around the world. A person's worth isn't tied to their paper certifications. On the other hand, we do live in very superficial and judgmental world, especially an asian world that puts huge emphasis on your education...
What Bob didn't
have
was
the
right
HAT.
What is a hat?
In my wardrobe analogy, a hat represents your formal education and accumulated experiences. Its what sets you apart in a crowd. Its what can be seen from afar.
For example, the title on your business card or the small print showing your qualifications, the words on your resume; all these are things that you can showcase your abilities without you having to be there.
Its a differentiator that
distinguishes you
from others
whether
you
want
to
accept it
or not.
Some hats can only be worn by certain people; A doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, these are jobs in which specific pre-requisites are needed to their industry competently. It is a requirement not a choice. Other hats are more generic like a degree or masters. If you are in banking or sales, the hat is merely to showcase that you have the thinking capacity and discipline to handle the job or give the teacher/boss what they want. Point is, everyone needs a hat to stand out. If you don't have a hat, you work so much harder to get noticed.
Now everyone knows that paper certification is just to get the job, get in the front door. After that, its up to your flare and actual capabilities to handle the job.
Once you're inside the building,
ALL
HATS
OFF.
Bob's story continued......
......Bob than continued his relenting saying "Why couldn't they give me a chance to tell them of all the stuff I have been through and done. Isn't the present better than the wrapping paper or box that contains it? Like, how much better would it have been if I wrapped the hat I gave you in gold wrapping? Yah it would make you anticipate and gear your expectations for a more expensive gift but after unwrapping the gift, it still won't change the fact that I got you that hat, right?"
"Yes Bob, but what if this was a gift exchange in which you were allowed to choose the gift based on the first impression that it made on you? Would you pick something that is more appealing or go for one that is less appealing?"
"I see where you are going with that, how can I change my options for the next interview. I'm guessing they will pull the same lines as yesterday's. But I know that I deserve this opportunity am can definitely out perform a lot of the other candidates once we are on he same level playing ground".................
...explanation of "emphasis" ..................
A captain's hat, not every sailor can wear it. Even if they wanted to it, they can't. There is a certain status associated with it. If a sailor were to steal it, he wouldn't get the respect that comes along with the hat. The hat is a symbol of the effort and aptitude to get to that position.
The type of hat that you wear can represent the type of character you are. It can define a style that you associate with. For example, my god-brother Dharni wears a beat-boxer hat, but I wouldn't wear it. He looks good in it, but it doesn't fit my personal style. It wouldn't be me. The hat, like all your other clothing is an expression of who you are.
Sometimes, only certain people can wear certain hats. There is a standard dress-code. Its part of what's expected. If you didn't have it or if you were to take it off, you would no longer be accepted and asked to leave. Say for example you were playing for an ......................
I personally love wearing hats because it is the easiest thing to block my messy hair in the beginning of each morning. I remember my normal 'school attire' when I was in College at the University of Toronto. Everyday was a simple tee, a jacket and one of my many hats at home. I first started appreciating hats only after I had more opportunities to wear them after I got out of the uniform stage when I finished my A Levels at National Junior College.
It first started when a friend of mine lent me his hat and everyone started complementing me. I was honestly astonished as I rarely wore hats prior to that. So it was love at first sight. Just like how I am proud to say that I am a graduate of the University that I come from. Though I personally didn't think that much of it, people nod and give me a different level of respect when I mention that I have an overseas education.
My parents have always emphasized the importance of education, but many times it went in one ears and left the other without mush processing involved. But as I mature I am now becoming more aware of the many associations and benefits there are to having a hat.
However the issues I see in today's society is not only about having a hat but the right one for you. One that amplifies your strengths and fits your head shape best.
Lets go into the practical side of a hat. Prior to discovering my newfound love for hats, I only wore a hat when it was too hot outside as I wanted to avoid getting any more freckles. I love sports and anything that involves the sun on my skin. However, I can always recall the many times my mother would remind me to wear my hat to protect my head from burning up from the damage of the sun from the ever so depleting ozone layer.
I like to look at this heat as the pressures and heat that our society bombards us with or should I say scald? We not only live in a society that overly focuses on the importance of education but one that is 'kiasu' about it to. Every child can relate to the stressful and countless late nights of mugging on subject that we hate and information that we can't wait to forget once the examination is over. But we did so still so anyways because that was what everyone else did or was expected to do so as well. We were children lost in what the working adults call the 'rat race'. Being born in the year of a rat myself, I remember the competitiveness that drove me each day.
Plus the funny thing is that I never wanted people to think that I was studying or ever put in hard work. Its different from now when I am in the corporate and working world where I want my colleagues to see the efforts and hours I put in especially if I can't produce results and can only said that i tried my best.
However in my JC days I pretended that I didn't study much and didn't need to not spend those hours mugging. I wanted to be perceived as cool and naturally gifted. It was still a very superficial thinking I must admit, but I did so also because those around me pretended to do so as well. I wanted the grades for sure cause it was not only important to my parents and increasing my future prospects of getting into my desired University but it was also for my own self fulfillment and knowing that I could shine above the rest in subjects that was particularity hard.
I can't forget the time I topped my class in Physics. Yes I said Physics. Many of your must be thinking that would be the last subject you would associate me with, but yah I did love Physics for some reason and I was good at it too. But it was a personal sense of accomplishment. It was different from the feeling I would get from winning a 100m sprint on Sports Day or scoring another touch down for my rugby team, but it was good. It made me feel smart and proud that al my hard work and continuous repetitions paid off.
However, when I take a step back and look at everything I accomplished in my studies, I can't help but put it back into perspective. Yes the credibility I got from graduating from my school felt good and did help me gain some brownie points; it still did not distinguish me enough and secure jobs that my degree geared me for.
Unforeseen circumstances happened in my life. My career direction changed when I was offered to work in Los Angeles for my mother's business friend. I loved the job scope and the fact that working in the States would be cool and the remuneration was better than any entry-banking job would get me. So I had to make a choice and I chose to embark upon this position offered.
However right when I was about to start my dream job, my mother brought on another unexpected element in my life. She dragged me away fro my much needed and deserved holiday in Hawaii to attend what I at first thought was going to be another boring and over rated seminar. But, to my surprise I loved what the speaker had to say. But this again threw my direction off tangent.
A hat can protect you from the rain that represents the unforeseen circumstance in life. But.....
to be continued........
please leave your comments.....
THE MIRROR
THE MIRROR (REFLECTION)
When I was first writing my book, I wanted to somehow include a MIRROR in my wardrobe concept.
However, it was hard to fit it in. I'm still struggling to see where it can all fit in.....
and again for you reading pleasure....here is what the MIRROR was suppose to represent:
MIRROR: a reminder and reflection of who you really are.....
You you and I are today is an aggregate of all the choices we have made over the years...and the reflection in the mirror is a reminder of who we are today and a glimpse of what we can be in the future.
Its a reality check.
SOMETHING ELSE TO CHEW ON:
Its funny how people spend months planning a vacation and little to no time on what they are going to do with their lazy lives.
You can do anything you want to do. The biggest thing is to define success for yourself. Success is doing what you truly enjoy and have it provide the quality of life that is acceptable to you. But also leaves you wanting a little more. Money will not make you successful. Doing what you truly enjoy doing is the ultimate success, because happiness come from within.
When I was first writing my book, I wanted to somehow include a MIRROR in my wardrobe concept.
However, it was hard to fit it in. I'm still struggling to see where it can all fit in.....
and again for you reading pleasure....here is what the MIRROR was suppose to represent:
MIRROR: a reminder and reflection of who you really are.....
You you and I are today is an aggregate of all the choices we have made over the years...and the reflection in the mirror is a reminder of who we are today and a glimpse of what we can be in the future.
Its a reality check.
SOMETHING ELSE TO CHEW ON:
Its funny how people spend months planning a vacation and little to no time on what they are going to do with their lazy lives.
You can do anything you want to do. The biggest thing is to define success for yourself. Success is doing what you truly enjoy and have it provide the quality of life that is acceptable to you. But also leaves you wanting a little more. Money will not make you successful. Doing what you truly enjoy doing is the ultimate success, because happiness come from within.
HATS: The importance of Academic and Formal Education
Just something to think about......
will be re writing my HATS chapter for the 5th time now....
here's some insights for your inspiration:)
‘The illiterate of the twenty-first century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.’
~Alvin Toffler
Education systems around the world are struggling to remain relevant in a changing world. But far too often they fail to prepare students for life in the ever changing and judgmental world. Even Singapore, which is rated one of the top in the world for its education system falls short of really shaping the individual into someone who is not only able to handle the hard skills like literacy and numbers but also able to navigate change and diversity, learn-as-they-go, solve problems, collaborate and be flexible and creative. Such a wide range of abilities are required as no job can promise security in today’s world as the economy is ever changing and unpredictable even if the management wants to keep the employee.
Students are labeled according to their ability to give the teachers what they ask for. Not for being creative and thinking out of the box.
Education should be suited to the needs of the students equipping them to cope as individuals in a very complex and scary world. Experts believe that today’s students will be the first in history to face the prospect of working at ten – or more – different jobs during their work lives. They will need thinking and learning skills that are creative and flexible. Adaptability will be their most prized possession.
In, reality, there is a danger, that outside pressures and the time constraints of an over-crowded curriculum distracts us from the traditional purpose of goes schooling, which is to turn out a well-rounded, decent human being.
Education should be about molding the future of the nation but more importantly molding the future of the individual.
A girl is better unborn than untaught.
will be re writing my HATS chapter for the 5th time now....
here's some insights for your inspiration:)
‘The illiterate of the twenty-first century will not be those who cannot read and write, but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn.’
~Alvin Toffler
Education systems around the world are struggling to remain relevant in a changing world. But far too often they fail to prepare students for life in the ever changing and judgmental world. Even Singapore, which is rated one of the top in the world for its education system falls short of really shaping the individual into someone who is not only able to handle the hard skills like literacy and numbers but also able to navigate change and diversity, learn-as-they-go, solve problems, collaborate and be flexible and creative. Such a wide range of abilities are required as no job can promise security in today’s world as the economy is ever changing and unpredictable even if the management wants to keep the employee.
Students are labeled according to their ability to give the teachers what they ask for. Not for being creative and thinking out of the box.
Education should be suited to the needs of the students equipping them to cope as individuals in a very complex and scary world. Experts believe that today’s students will be the first in history to face the prospect of working at ten – or more – different jobs during their work lives. They will need thinking and learning skills that are creative and flexible. Adaptability will be their most prized possession.
In, reality, there is a danger, that outside pressures and the time constraints of an over-crowded curriculum distracts us from the traditional purpose of goes schooling, which is to turn out a well-rounded, decent human being.
Education should be about molding the future of the nation but more importantly molding the future of the individual.
A girl is better unborn than untaught.
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