Finding the PONY

FINDING THE PONY

I attended a Family Wellness instructor course conducted by St Andrews' Lifestreams last month and this was one of the many highlights that I took away.


The story goes like this:
Two siblings came home on Christmas eve to a pile of pony shit under the Christmas tree...

How horrible and terrible this must be....

But like in all things, everything is a perspective and based on how you want to perceive something as....

The older brother cursed, complaining about the CRAP that was under the tree. He shouted saying, "WHHHHHHHAT? I can't believe we got SHIT for Christmas! Could dad but any worst!!!!!!!!"

The younger son on the other hand, ran around the house in excitement and cheer...actively searching for something.....

What could he be possibly happy about?

What could he be searching for and why was he so optimistic?

The older brother shouted at him and asked, "What are you looking for? Aren't you pissed at dad and mom?"

The younger brother replied.... "Well if there is fresh shit under the tree....THERE MUST BE A REAL LIFE PONY!!!!!!! WHHHHOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPIEEEEEEEE! I LOVE DAD AND MOM"


Many of us tend to focus on the negative 'craps' that we encounter in our lives never taking time to see what's the blessing behind every circumstance. We take things for granted and we are quick to judge the intentions of those around us.

The moral of this story is that in every situation there is always a PONY.

Reframe your mind to choose to see the blessings behind every circumstance that occurs in your life. I know it sounds impossible....but possibilities are what we choose to make out of a give situation.


For example:

When you mom shouts at you when you are about to burn yourself while frying a meal for yourself....

She might come across as rude and condescending:

"Boy ah! Don't be an idiot! Don't touch the pan!"

But what is she really saying?

What are her intentions?

Is she actually trying to tell you to be careful cause she is concerned about your safety? Does she want to teach you to be wary of dangers that you come across? Does she care for you...and that is why she is telling you not to harm yourself?

There are many reasons....

But it may not have been communicated as such.

Communication is key but as the receiver of such bad communication, our job is to FIND THE PONY.

Try responding, by saying:

"Mom, thank you for loving me and for watching out for my safety"........


instead of snapping back at her (which I am guilty of to my mother) and saying:

"Stop shouting! Can't you see that I know that?!"


Question yourself....

Which response will establish a better relationship with your mother? Which response would allow you to probably SHOCK your mom to realise that she may be in the wrong for using such UGLY words and tone?

TRY THIS.

It is hard....I'm definitely not saying it is easy...but it is worth a try....


Hope you guys got something out of this:)

Quote of the week

"Success in life is a matter not so much of talent or opportunity as of concentration and perseverance."

C. W. Wendte

The Duck & the Devil

This is simple and to the point!


The Duck & the Devil


There was a little boy visiting his grandparents on their farm.

He was given a slingshot to play with out in the woods.

He practiced in the woods; but he could never hit the target.

Getting a little discouraged, he headed back for dinner.

As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck.

Just out of impulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head and killed it. He was shocked and grieved!



In a panic, he hid the dead duck in the wood pile; only to see his
sister watching! Sally had seen it all, but she said nothing.

After lunch the next day Grandma said, 'Sally, let's wash the dishes'

But Sally said, 'Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help in the kitchen.'

Then she whispered to him, 'Remember the duck?'

So Johnny did the dishes.

Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to go fishing and Grandma said, 'I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper.'

Sally just smiled and said, 'Well that's all right because Johnny told me he wanted to help'

She whispered again, 'Remember the duck?' So Sally went fishing and Johnny stayed to help.

After several day of Johnny doing both his chores and Sally's; he
finally couldn't stand it any longer.

He came to Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck.

Grandma knelt down, gave him a hug and said, 'Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at the window and I saw the whole thing, but because I love you, I forgave you. I was just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you.'

Thought for the day and every day thereafter?



Whatever is in your past, whatever you have done... And the devil keeps throwing it up in your face (lying, cheating, debt, fear, bad habits, hatred, anger, bitterness, etc.) ..whatever it is...You need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw the whole thing.

He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that He loves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you will let the devil make a slave of you.

The great thing about God is that when you ask for forgiveness;

He not only forgives you, but He forgets.

It is by God's grace and mercy that we are saved.

Go ahead and make the difference in someone's life today.

Share this with a friend and always remember:

God is at the window!

When Jesus died on the cross; he was thinking of you!

Hear what Jobs has to say.........

Stanford Report, June 14, 2005
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
Printable VersionThis is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.

I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.

The first story is about connecting the dots.

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.

My second story is about love and loss.

I was lucky — I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation — the Macintosh — a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.

I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me — I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.

I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.

During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.

I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.

My third story is about death.

When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything — all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.

I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.

This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:

No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.

Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.

Thank you all very much.

Inspiration Speech

My friend sent me this inspirational speech...so I thought I'll share it with everyone

Enjoy


Life and How to Survive It

Below is a speech to the graduating class of 2008 at NTU
convocation ceremony last week by Adrian Tan, a
litigation lawyer and the author of The Teenage
Textbook. Read it! It's hilarious but very meaningful.



I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee
Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for
inviting me to give your convocation address. It's a
wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here
for ten minutes without fear of contradiction,
defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean
and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way
except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She
corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert
skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising
at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I
spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make
my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our
matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a
litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is
always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to
the men: when you've already won her heart, you don't
need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of
you may already be married. Some of you may never be
married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will
enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many,
many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your
graduation. The end of education. You're done learning.

You've probably been told the big lie that "Learning is
a lifelong process" and that therefore you will continue
studying and taking masters' degrees and doctorates and
professorships and so on. You know the sort of people
who tell you that? Teachers. Don't you think there is
some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the
business of learning, after all. Where would they be
without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they're wrong.

The bad news is that you don't need further education
because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may
come as a shock to some of you. You're in your teens or
early twenties. People may tell you that you will live
to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life
expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the
term to mean the average life span of a group of people.
But I'm here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what
you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is
currently ranked as the country with the third highest
life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and
tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in
those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one
thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless.
There's very little danger of any of our citizens having
their pulses raised by watching us play in the World
Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a
gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years.
Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while
Singapore women live more than five years longer,
probably to take into account the additional time they
need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you'll
have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to
live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping
dead when they're 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite
possibly just after finishing their convocation. They
would be very disappointed that they didn't meet their
life expectancy.

I'm here to tell you this. Forget about your life
expectancy.

After all, it's calculated based on an average. And you
never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward
to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family.
You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to
find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much,
where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to
it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You
will be living your life according to boundaries set by
average people. I have nothing against average people.
But no one should aspire to be them. And you don't need
years of education by the best minds in Singapore to
prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life's a mess. You
are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not
fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life
happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad
things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by
moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don't expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just
live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in
time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you
are physically the fittest you will ever be in your
entire life and you are probably looking the best that
you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is
all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life
is over.

Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you
the many wonderful things that you can do when you are
free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its
very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term "Karoshi", which
means death from overwork. That's the most dramatic form
of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more
subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit,
your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there's
nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There's a common misconception that work is necessary.
You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They
tell you they are "making a living". No, they're not.
They're dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing
lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and,
at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work
lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The
slogan "Arbeit macht frei" was placed at the entrances
to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing
something you hate so that you can spend the small
remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may
never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find
something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again.
You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it,
and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in
itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a
litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I
didn't do that, I would've been in some other type of
work that still involved writing fiction – probably a
sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I
don't imagine you will need to look very hard. By this
time in your life, you will have a very good idea of
what you will want to do. In fact, I'll go further and
say the ideal situation would be that you will not be
able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this
time you should know what your obsessions are. If you
enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior,
you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you,
become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a
restless enthusiasm. If you don't, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve
communication. To those of you I have a second message:
be wary of the truth. I'm not asking you to speak it, or
write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or
impossible to do those things. The truth has a great
capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that
the closer you are to someone, the more care you must
take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there
is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There
is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth,
without thought to the consequences. It takes great
maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know
it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never
fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should
not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I
now say this to you: be hated.

It's not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who
hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to
the human race has been hated, not just by one person,
but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it
has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused,
murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it's
often the case that one is hated precisely because one
is trying to do right by one's own convictions. It is
far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be
accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one
will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the
average. That cannot be your role. There are a great
many bad people in the world, and if you are not
offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is
a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn't say "be loved". That requires too much
compromise. If one changes one's looks, personality and
values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may
seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to
happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false.
Modern society is anti-love. We've taken a microscope to
everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It
far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than
otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love
requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only
kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration,
learning, attraction and something which, for the want
of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone,
we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We
learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We
celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is
also important to choose the right person. Despite
popular culture, love doesn't happen by chance, at first
sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly,
sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It
is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers
every storm.

You will find, that when you have someone to love, that
the face is less important than the brain, and the body
is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your
love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be
loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure
when it comes to loving someone. You either don't, or
you do with every cell in your body, completely and
utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes
you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don't work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love
someone.

You're going to have a busy life. Thank goodness there's
no life expectancy.

My First Day at Yellow Pages

Today was my first day at Yellow Pages Singapore.

Boy its a different feel to be desk bound again. I was brought around to tour the 7 storey building and got familiarised with the departments and people. I thank God for loving parents who helped me gel into the corporate life once again.

The most reassuring and encouraging thing they did on top of sending me to the door step of my office (btw, my mother is usually hit by the ZZZZ monster, so her waking up to send me was an extreme but pleasant shock:) ) was the fact they sent me 'love' smses - to see if I was doing fine.

It added so much joy to my day at work and created a warm and fuzzy feeling of being belonged. I thank my parents for their words of affirmation. This by far is one of my top 'love languages' best received.

So to the parents reading this,

Please remember to take some time to sms or call your child up. A simple encouraging or affirming sms can brighten your child's day. It will mean the world to them especially if you aren't someone who expresses your feelings much.

But TRUST ME... Your child will be touched even if they pretend that they aren't


This is me signing off for now.

Cheers

Jacyln


PS: I hope to write entries on a more frequent basis from now on. Please view my blog for updates on my life and for additional articles and chapter previews in the near future:) God bless

Giving and Receiving

The Giving and Receiving doctrine has some key elements which are the foundation:

GOD
1. GOD has NEEDS
2. GOD is SUBJECT to the LAW of GIVING and RECEIVING
3. GOD must GIVE in order for His NEEDS to be MET
4. GOD must GIVE to HUMAN BEINGS
5. GOD GAVE His Son to HUMAN BEINGS as a result of His NEED to GIVE
6. GOD receives MORE than He GAVE in the form of MILLIONS of HUMAN SOULS
5. HUMAN BEINGS are the REWARD to GOD for His GIVING


HUMAN BEINGS
1. HUMAN BEINGS are SUBJECT to the LAW of GIVING and RECEIVING
2. HUMAN BEINGS can GIVE to GOD in order to MEET His NEEDS
3. HUMAN BEINGS can GIVE to GOD in order to MEET their own NEEDS
4. GIVING means GIVING MONEY to a "ministry" which is equated with GIVING to GOD
5. GOD has nothing to work with unless HUMAN BEINGS GIVE MONEY to a "ministry"
6. GIVING MONEY to a "ministry" will cause GOD to return MONEY to the giver that is GREATER than the initial GIFT (100-fold or more)
7. MONEY is the REWARD by GOD to HUMAN BEINGS for their GIVING of MONEY

Parenting with Grace:

Parenting with Grace:
New Creation Church: Pastor Prince


This is a summary for Pastor Prince's Parenting with Grace sermon. I picked out the nuggets to share them with you. I hoep you will be blessed:)


Jesus was someone who God the Father was well pleased

Ten commandments:
To teach it?
Not a law imposed
So that children will know right from wrong, not an angel or a devil be fine and a human being

Enforce your child’s identity Tell her, because you are a Jesus girl (tell her who she is) -you like to share
You will not lie
You have love in your heart that you will forgive your friends

Versus you should you must, like a law imposed on her separate from her as a person. Tell her who she is.

Note: your child is not perfect and not an angel
Note: stuff that you go through is usually universal, don’t feel like this is targeted directly at you

Our feelings for our children is like experiencing days of heaven upon the earth
Deut:

Relationships have to do with feelings
Qn: are feelings right and wrong or neither good or bad, feelings are unlimited whilst actions are limited


Children need to have their feelings accepted. They need to feel right before they can behave right. Parents need to let us feel right by accepting our feelings.
For e.g parents can say if you are angry, say that you are angry. Feelings aren’t good or bad but they need to know that their feelings are accepted

If u want your child to feel right you need to get into the moment and feel what the child is feeling too….
e.g if someone’s confiding in you, tell her that you were in her position too … but don’t preach yet or let them hear your advise….
Hear what they have to say, sometime the children just want you to listen

If she expressed that she wants something to happen to someone else….parents should not say….”you shouldn’t be feeling this way”
if so, you are not listening with grace...and you are saying that her feeling aren’t justified or right

listen to their feelings…..acknowledge their feelings…listening with grace. Its easier to do it with strangers, you want to impart knowledge and love and have lots of answers you want to give them
but you will be robbing them of the opportunity to work it out herself

its not important how the parent feels but validate their feelings


sympathy: understanding how the other person feels
empathy: feeling what the other feels
to be affect with the same feeling of the other, to feel what the other person feels

get insync with your children’s feelings whether good or bad. Victories and joys and resentments and anger.
You can feel it but u don’t have to execute it in actions, you can just let it go…..


Note: as parents they want to rescue and save our children from everything
From bad and ugly teachers
From other bad influence peers
Defend from any demon and trials and tribulations

But if you protect them from everything and every emotion you can’t grow. Suffering builds endurance that builds character. You need to give them self reliance in Christ

Let them step back, feel that negative emotion.
Don’t straight away rescue them with your money. (e.g. dog died) though the parents mean well, if you come in too fast, you rob the child of growing through that negative experience or accepting that negative feeling(s)

Best way is to take that child on your lap and let them know that you know how they feel, and tell them that their feelings are justified and that its okay to cry. Let them cry and let them experience that growth.

If they don’t understand rejection, by the time they get to teenagers, they are just over grown children….when they step into the work force they are still not standing on their own feet because still waiting for daddy and mommy to save them

Somewhere in their hearts, children know that their parents understand especially when their friends don’t or can’t. This is the way it should be; children should run to their parents first.

e.g a girl tells her parent that she feels like not going to university….and the mom responds with “what!!!!!!!!! You….”

Inside the child’s heart, they are saying that this is the last time they will open up to you. Listen to why, and repeat what they have said. Help them reason it out themselves.
Help them without and judgment, without pouring out quick advice.

If you need to give advice give it in suggestion form

Say, “what do you think if we do it like this?”....let the child see the potential of the idea. Don’t be over rash to give advice to your child. The child will feel stupid and annoyed and end up resenting their parents. Get them to figure it out.

e.g Are we comforted when Jesus feels how we feel?
Nope.
We are delivered Jesus wept, and was able to feel what they were feeling. Not weeping to the point of discouragement, speak to them with grace. When God cried, he entered into our pain.

Don’t make a big show out of it. He feels what we feel, He has not changed today he unlimited! Cause He goes directly to God. He feels what we feel not to make us feel good but to deliver us.


Remember…the first day of school when your child is coming home crying
Don’t answer with: “what did Daddy say? God is with you. You shouldn’t be crying”
Don’t: answer with “There is no reason to feel that way”

Do: help her: tell her that the first day of school is scary and that they don’t know what to do and that the teachers look very scary. It might not totally alleviate her feelings but at least you let them know how that you understand and are providing a listening ear.

Don’t deny their feelings. Thank God that they are sharing with you. Be their friend. Its not too late. Even if they are rebellious, there is no one like daddy or mommy. Bit your tongue, don’t quick to judge or give advice.

Just repeat what she said. Listen with Grace.

Do your best and just listen,

Laugh with her

Feel with her

Even when she says: what do you think mom? Don’t rejoice and be overly quick to give advice.

It might be a test.
Throw back the question and ask “what do you think”

It won’t be long but they will see the difference.

And they will test the difference.

So one day when they think they can’t turn to their friends they will always know that there is someone to turn to

And listen undividedly, don’t watch tv and listen.

Especially when they are sharing their negative feelings, be all there for them eyes and ears.

Not
half
half

Don’t say, what did you do to make the other boy angry? Cause you are taking sides against him.
Don’t be the judge or the prosecutor!!!!!!
Be on the child’s side
The child can be wrong. But it is easier to accept that you are wrong when your feelings are accepted!!!!

e.g injections: Let them know that you know its painful and that there will only be a few more. You can still empathized, accept their feelings and still be a father and mother Avoid saying, “hiyah small pain like that, don’t be a cry baby. You are hurting them You are saying that they feelings are not important or don’t matter, you don’t feel what you feel, you don’t mean what you feel you don’t know what you feel…

When children grow up with a self-esteem that is good and that they learn to respect their feelings. (PANTS CHAPTER)

e.g 12 -13 yr old girls @ swimming pool and guys are approaching them and allow themselves to be abused.
Those that ran: they had learnt to respect their feelings because of the environment in the house.
Those they stayed and allowed to be abused: even though that she felt wrong, she doesn’t trust her feelings anymore. She feels that she is wrong, not the man

Parents need to validate their children feelings and teach them to respect their feelings, there will come a time that what they feel can save them

The way everyone parent should comfort (like God) is to feel what we feel. Rejoice when we rejoice. And cry when we cry.

Example, when you are cracking a joke, if He doesn’t laugh with you, you’ll be like …what? In the beginning was the word, does anything surprise me?

He limits him knowledge so they he can hear something for the first time
So that He can play with us.
There is a playfulness side with our Lord
A sunshine experience
Laughs at good jokes
Listen with grace
Don’t impose the law, with you should you could….earn the right to speak into their lives…….
Make sure its not a test….cause children need proof….:) stubbornness especially with increasing education and advertisement bombardment

Always response with suggestion, what do you think
Teach they to be self-reliant with Christ

Don’t disguise your feelings with religious idea and expressions….like err feel grief in the Spirit….not many will own up to admit that they are jealous of someone else. They disguise it with a spiritual expression that they are grief in their spirit

Words that are not backed up by grace - grief the Holy Spirit
When the Holy Spirit is happy we are strengthened

Qn: What type of words are you saying? Do they uplift and bring down the person you are talking to?


Teaching your child to go the extra mile:

Don’t’ teach your child, to thank people only because they do something in return. We are different as a believer; we do things that people don’t deserve

Question: why are they responding in a bad way? Do something surprising to them
If you praise and give to those who do you good all the time, what makes you different?

Do things that people don’t deserve.

Let God enter into your feelings

Teaching your Children The Power of Breakfast

Teaching your Children The Power of Breakfast
Reference: Super Energy Detox, Michael van Straten

While you sleep your body is working hard as this is the time for growth and repair. Your brain switches off the activity hormones and turns on to maintenance mode. While all this work is going on you are using up your reserves of vital nutrients, so your storehouse needs replenishing, which is why breakfast is the most important meal of the day.


The Most Important Meal of the Day

Kids Need Their Morning Meal 
While adults need to eat breakfast each day to perform their best, children need it even more. Their growing bodies and developing brains rely heavily on the regular intake of food. Ideally 25% of one’s daily calories should be from breakfast as breakfast = breaking your fast. When children skip breakfast, it could be 8 to 12 hours since they last ate and your blood-sugar levels is at a rock bottom. This period of semi-starvation can create a lot of physical, intellectual and behavioral problems for them, as the brain requires a constant supply of sugar to function properly.

Skipping breakfast means poorer performance by your children at school, a greater risk of accidents driving and a lack of efficiency at work. It also mean a higher level a irritability.


A Good Investment 
If you and your kids regularly skip breakfast in the interest of saving time or getting a few more minutes of sleep, remember that eating a wholesome, nutritious morning meal will probably save you time in the long run. By recharging your brain and your body, you'll be more efficient in just about everything you do. Interestingly, studies show that kids who skip breakfast are tardy and absent from school more often than children who eat breakfast on a regular basis. Preparing a good breakfast can be as quick and easy as splashing some milk over cereal. Time invested in breakfast is much more valuable than the few extra minutes of sleep you might get by bypassing the morning meal.

Despite the early morning rushes and the screamings over the washrooms, parents must realize the importance of breakfast. Make it a point to prepare yours and your children’s breakfast the night before if the mornings will be tight of time due to your extra snoozing.

Do not believe it when hear people say that skipping breakfast will help you lose weight. This practice will more likely cause a weight gain instead of a weight loss. Skipping breakfast is strongly linked to the development of obesity. Studies show that overweight and obese children, adolescents, and adults are less likely to break the fast each morning than their thinner counterparts. Breakfast skippers tend to eat more food than usual at the next meal or nibble on high-calorie snacks to stave off hunger. Several studies suggest that people tend to accumulate more body fat when they eat fewer, larger meals than when they eat the same number of calories in smaller, more frequent meals. To teens, especially teenage girls, skipping breakfast may seem like a perfectly logical way to cut down on calories and lose weight. It's important for moms to educate their kids about the importance of the morning meal and the role it plays in maintaining good health and preventing obesity.


Here are some additional tips to help you teach your children how to have good eating habits:


Tip # 1: Drink plenty of water or other calorie-free beverages.

Especially because we are in a country specializing FOOD-FOOD-FOOD (MAKAN-MAKAN-MAKAN) many of us confuse (or choose to confuse) thirst with hunger. We end up eating that extra dessert (or desserts) from our favourite hawker stores and down a huge glass of sugar cane or glass jelly or even a cup or two of our yummy old fashion condensed milk kopi, when an ice-cold glass of water is really what you need.
If you do not like plain water, try adding citrus or a splash of juice, or brew a cup of Green or Chinese teas , which have lots of flavor and caffeine but no calories.
Additional Morning Tip: Make it a priority to drink at least 4 cups of plain water right when you wake up. It will give you a lot more energy and purify the toxins in your body.


Tip # 2: Think ADDITIONS not SUBTRACT from your diet

Start by focusing on getting the recommended 5-9 servings of fruits and vegetables each day. This may sound like a lot, but it is well worth it. You will be meeting your fiber goals and feeling more satisfied from the volume of food. (Note: not all calories are the same)
Your tendency to overeat is lessened because fruits and vegetables displace fat in the diet on top of the health benefits you get from this increased consumptions of fruits and vegetables.
Thus, work more vegetables into meals instead of just serving them as sides on a plate. Request for ‘more vegetables’ upon ordering your favorite dishes. Make sure you smile and say ‘thank you’ to the Uncle and Aunty.


Tip # 3: Question if you are really hungry.

Hunger is your body’s way of telling you that you need fuel, so when a craving doesn’t come from hunger, eating will never satisfy it.
When you're done eating, you should feel better -- not stuffed, bloated, or tired.
Your stomach is only the size of your fist, so it takes just a handful of food to fill it comfortably. Keeping your portions reasonable will help you get more in touch with your feelings of hunger and fullness.


Tip # 4: Be choosy about nighttime snacks.

Mindless eating occurs most frequently after dinner, when you finally sit down and relax.
Sitting down with a bag of chips or cookies in front of the television is an example of eating amnesia, where you mindlessly eat without being hungry, but out of habit. Either close down the kitchen after a certain hour, or allow yourself a low-calorie snack, like a 100-calorie pack of cookies or a half-cup scoop of low-fat ice cream. Once you find that you're usually satisfied with the low-cal snack, try a cup of zero-calorie tea.


Tip # 5: Enjoy your favorite foods.

"I think putting your favorite foods off limits leads to weight gain because it triggers 'rebound' overeating," says Sass.
Instead of cutting out your favorite foods altogether, be a slim shopper. Buy one fresh bakery cookie instead of a box, or a small portion of candy from the bulk bins instead of a whole bag.
"You can enjoy your favorite foods, but you must do so in moderation," says Sass.


Tip # 6: Do not keep junk into your home. Enjoy your treats outside

When you need a treat, consider a walking or driving to your local ice cream parlor or planning a family outing.
By making it into an adventure, you do not have to worry about the temptation of having treats in the house, and it is a fun and pleasurable way to make it work when you are trying to lose weight.
If you can not get out, stock your kitchen with fresh fruit and to spice it up, add some low fat yogurt to it for a yummy dessert.


Tip # 7: Eat several mini-meals during the day.

If you eat fewer calories than you burn, you will lose weight. But when you're hungry all the time, eating fewer calories can be challenging.
Studies show people who eat 4-5 meals or snacks per day are better able to control their appetite and weight. She recommends dividing your daily calories into smaller meals or snacks and enjoying as many of them as you can early in the day -- dinner should be the last time you eat.


Tip # 8: Eat protein at every meal.

Protein is more satisfying than carbohydrates or fats, and thus may be the new secret weapon in weight control. Diets higher in protein [and] moderate in carbs, along with a lifestyle of regular exercise, have an excellent potential to help weight loss.
Getting enough protein helps preserve muscle mass and encourages fat burning while keeping you feeling full. So be sure to include healthy protein sources, like yogurt, cheese, nuts, or beans, at meals and snacks.


Tip # 9: Spice it up.

Add spices or chiles to your food for a flavor boost that can help you feel satisfied. Food that is loaded with flavor will stimulate your taste buds and be more satisfying so you won’t eat as much.
When you need something sweet, suck on a red-hot fireball candy for a long-lasting burst of sweetness with just a few calories.


Tip # 10: Stock your kitchen with healthy convenience foods.

Having ready-to-eat snacks and meals-in-minutes staples on hand sets you up for success. You'll be less likely to indulge on your favorite foods if you can make a healthy meal in 5 or 10 minutes.


Tip # 11: Eat foods in season.

If you don’t love certain fruits or vegetables, it could be because you ate them out of season when they have little taste or flavor. When you eat seasonally, fruits and vegetables are more flavorful, at their best, and I promise you won’t be disappointed.


Tip # 12: Swap a cup of noodles for a cup of vegetables.

Simply by eating less noodles or rice and more veggies, you could lose a dress or pants size in a year.
You can save from 100-200 calories if you reduce the portion of starch on your plate and increase the amount of vegetables.


Tip # 13: Use non-food alternatives to cope with stress.

Sooner or later, you're going to be faced with a stressful situation. Instead of turning to food for comfort, be prepared with some non-food tactics that work for you. Go to the beach, go bowling, listen to some music, blog, practice deep breathings or call up a long lost friend.


Tip # 14: Be physically active.

Although it may seem counterintuitive, don’t use exercise either to punish yourself for eating or to "earn" the right to eat more. When you do, it sets up a negative thought pattern, which is why so many people say they hate to exercise.
Instead, focus on how great you feel, how much better you sleep and how much more energy you have when you exercise. Physical activity is good for you whether you are trying to lose weight or not, so keep it positive and build a lifelong habit.

just some thoughts

There are a number of reasons why I have decided to write this book. I am discouraged by how contemporary society and educational institutions are shaping the leaders of tomorrow. Being book smart does not necessarily prepare you with the tools needed to face the challenges in life. Attributes, such as the ability to speak convincingly and eloquently, the facility to think on your feet; creating ideas that challenge boundaries, the capacity to size up situations and come out with logical conclusions and at the same time always willing to keep a sense of wonder, planning meaningful goals yet willing to risk failure in achieving them; feeling brave and confident to stand tall whenever we fall, go a long way in setting us up for the many curve balls life has in store for us.

Since schools are not nurturing these skills- in fact, work against most of them- proactive parents who care about the intellectual development of their children and want to guide them toward a bright future have to take action, and take action immediately.

Getting back to basics and the need for testing and accountability. Switching to something refreshing, inspiring and restoring. Parents need to see child’s world from the child’s eyes. They need to understand what makes us children tick in the 21st century and discover the different struggles that we go through growing up in a fast paced Asian society.

Parents need to find out the root of the problems and learn how to be slow to anger and accusations. They need to understand that the teachers and leaders are not always right and learn to humble themselves to lovingly ask the child and not assume that they are automatically wrong. Parents need to flow with our interests and strengths and help us develop what we are already innately gifted with. They can introduce us to more options but let us be the chief of our lives. Hence parents need to know that they should not force their son to spend long endless hours over his math homework if he hates math.

They have to take a breath and put things into perspective.

They must understand that they want a child who will do exceedingly well in life, realize his passion and is willing to innovate and take risks. They need to realize that a child needs to be provided for with knowledge, skills and most importantly values, but it is still the child’s choice to ultimately pick and choose what makes him who he really is. They need to help train their child to have a giving nature and a heart of forgiveness towards others and most importantly towards themselves. They need to teach them values and tenacity from the home in order for them to pick them selves up in the real; world and continue to try hard without fretting over their mistakes. It is about teaching your child to fall forward and picking themselves up after the storm.

Scoring high in one’s PSLE and A Levels is not that important. Parent need to realize what is reality and ask themselves how much a difference did an extra few points on their grade them in their advancement in their career. The world has changed over the years and is very different from a few decades ago. One decade in today’s pop culture is like centuries in the swing and ‘twist twist’ times of the past. Look at how fast technology has changes in the last decade or even year. It is crazy what type of dilemmas our children face now.

Frankly, even though I am writing this book in attempt to close the gap of misunderstand between parent and child, I too am pretty lost in what the students of today is facing. Think about it, when did we learn about atoms and molecules? Children in our Singapore schools are apparently learning in in Primary three, isn’t that insane?

So here is a suggestion to the dear parents who are reading this book, why not consider creating a new type of report card for your children. One that is focused around their values, their family and their strengths and interests. Next help them achieve their maximum potential and always uplift instead of pull down.


Doing something you love

Doing something you love helps one retain your intellectual energy while the rest of the world is loosing theirs. It helps you shine when everyone is too caught up in being a little above average in everything. It doesn’t pay to be a jack of all traits. I am speaking this from my own experience, as I am an individual who is blessed with many gifts and interests. I ended up dabbling in many things sometimes too many for my own good. It is good to be ‘in the know’ of how and what is going on but it is more essential to concentrate on a few good things that you can excel in.

Doing something you love to do creates a wonderful capacity to try new things and be resilient when things do not go according to plan. When someone does what he loves, failure does not become such an obstacle. One has a higher tendency to react to it with questions and exploration and are willing to practice something until they get it right. One’s “stick-to-itiveness” when one finds something they love will help them to achieve their highly ambitious goals and their insistence on following their own paths rather than be molded by what society wants them to be. It helps them gather a sense of satisfaction from what they want to do with their lives.

Article on FORGIVENESS

Forgiveness: How to let go of grudges and bitterness
When someone you care about hurts you, you can hold on to anger, resentment and thoughts of revenge or embrace forgiveness and move forward.


Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D.

Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another. Your mother criticized your parenting skills. Your friend gossiped about you. Your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness and even vengeance.
But when you don't practice forgiveness, you may be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Here, Katherine M. Piderman, Ph.D., staff chaplain at Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn., discusses forgiveness and how it can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being.
What is forgiveness?
There's no one definition of forgiveness. But in general, forgiveness is a decision (choice!) to let go of resentments and thoughts of revenge. Forgiveness is the act of untying yourself from thoughts and feelings that bind you to the offense committed against you. This can reduce the power these feelings otherwise have over you, so that you can a live freer and happier life in the present. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you.
Doesn't forgiving someone mean you're forgetting or condoning what happened?
Absolutely not! Forgiving isn't the same as forgetting what happened to you. The act that hurt or offended you may always remain a part of your life. But forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, positive parts of your life. Forgiveness also doesn't mean that you deny the other person's responsibility for hurting you, and it doesn't minimize or justify the wrong. You can forgive the person without excusing the act.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Researchers have recently become interested in studying the effects of being unforgiving and being forgiving. Evidence is mounting that holding on to grudges and bitterness results in long-term health problems. Forgiveness, on the other hand, offers numerous benefits, including:
0. Lower blood pressure
0. Stress reduction
0. Less hostility
0. Better anger management skills
0. Lower heart rate
0. Lower risk of alcohol or substance abuse
0. Fewer depression symptoms
0. Fewer anxiety symptoms
0. Reduction in chronic pain
0. More friendships
0. Healthier relationships
0. Greater religious or spiritual well-being
0. Improved psychological well-being
Why do we hold grudges and become resentful and unforgiving?
The people most likely to hurt us are those closest to us — our partners, friends, siblings and parents. When we're hurt by someone we love and trust — whether it's a lie, betrayal, rejection, abuse or insult — it can be extremely difficult to overcome. And even minor offenses can turn into huge conflicts.
When you experience hurt or harm from someone's actions or words, whether this is intended or not, you may begin experiencing negative feelings such as anger, confusion or sadness, especially when it's someone close to you. These feelings may start out small. But if you don't deal with them quickly, they can grow bigger and more powerful. They may even begin to crowd out positive feelings. Grudges filled with resentment, vengeance and hostility take root when you dwell on hurtful events or situations, replaying them in your mind many times.
Soon, you may find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. You may feel trapped and may not see a way out. It's very hard to let go of grudges at this point and instead you may remain resentful and unforgiving.
How do I know it's time to try to embrace forgiveness?
When we hold on to pain, old grudges, bitterness and even hatred, many areas of our lives can suffer. When we're unforgiving, it's we who pay the price over and over. We may bring our anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience. Our lives may be so wrapped up in the wrong that we can't enjoy the present. Other signs that it may be time to consider forgiveness include:
0. Dwelling on the events surrounding the offense
0. Hearing from others that you have a chip on your shoulder or that you're wallowing in self-pity
0. Being avoided by family and friends because they don't enjoy being around you
0. Having angry outbursts at the smallest perceived slights
0. Often feeling misunderstood
0. Drinking excessively, smoking or using drugs to try to cope with your pain
0. Having symptoms of depression or anxiety
0. Being consumed by a desire for revenge or punishment
0. Automatically thinking the worst about people or situations
0. Regretting the loss of a valued relationship
0. Feeling like your life lacks meaning or purpose
0. Feeling at odds with your religious or spiritual beliefs
The bottom line is that you may often feel miserable in your current life.
How do I reach a state of forgiveness?
Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change. It can be difficult and it can take time. Everyone moves toward forgiveness a little differently. One step is to recognize the value of forgiveness and its importance in our lives at a given time. Another is to reflect on the facts of the situation, how we've reacted, and how this combination has affected our lives, our health and our well-being. Then, as we are ready, we can actively choose to forgive the one who has offended us. In this way, we move away from our role as a victim and release the control and power the offending person and situation have had in our lives.
Forgiveness also means that we change old patterns of beliefs and actions that are driven by our bitterness. As we let go of grudges, we'll no longer define our lives by how we've been hurt, and we may even find compassion and understanding.
What happens if I can't forgive someone?
Forgiveness can be very challenging. It may be particularly hard to forgive someone who doesn't admit wrong or doesn't speak of their sorrow. Keep in mind that the key benefits of forgiveness are for you. If you find yourself stuck, it may be helpful to take some time to talk with a person you've found to be wise and compassionate, such as a spiritual leader, a mental health provider or an unbiased family member or friend.
It may also be helpful to reflect on times you've hurt others and on those who have forgiven you. As you recall how you felt, it may help you to understand the position of the person who hurt you. It can also be beneficial to pray, use guided meditation or journal. In any case, if the intention to forgive is present, forgiveness will come in its time.
Does forgiveness guarantee reconciliation?
Not always. In some cases, reconciliation may be impossible because the offender has died. In other cases, reconciliation may not be appropriate, especially if you were attacked or assaulted. But even in those cases, forgiveness is still possible, even if reconciliation isn't.
On the other hand, if the hurtful event involved a family member or friend whose relationship you otherwise value, forgiveness may lead to reconciliation. This may not happen quickly, as you both may need time to re-establish trust. But in the end, your relationship may very well be one that is rich and fulfilling.
What if I have to interact with the person who hurt me but I don't want to?
These situations are difficult. If the hurt involves a family member, it may not always be possible to avoid him or her entirely. You may be invited to the same family holiday gatherings, for instance. If you've reached a state of forgiveness, you may be able to enjoy these gatherings without bringing up the old hurts. If you haven't reached forgiveness, these gatherings may be tense and stressful for everyone, particularly if other family members have chosen sides in the conflict.
So how do you handle this? First, remember that you do have a choice whether to attend or not attend family get-togethers. Respect yourself and do what seems best. If you choose to go, don't be surprised by a certain amount of awkwardness and perhaps even more intense feelings. It's important to keep an eye on those feelings. You don't want them to lead you to be unjust or unkind in return for what was done to you.
Also, avoid drinking too much alcohol as a way to try to numb your feelings or feel better — it'll likely backfire. And keep an open heart and mind. People do change, and perhaps the offender will want to apologize or make amends. You also may find that the gathering helps you to move forward with forgiveness.
How do I know when I've truly forgiven someone?
Forgiveness may result in sincerely spoken words such as "I forgive you" or tender actions that fit the relationship. But more than this, forgiveness brings a kind of peace that helps you go on with life. The offense is no longer front and center in your thoughts or feelings. Your hostility, resentment and misery have made way for compassion, kindness and peace.
Also, remember that forgiveness often isn't a one-time thing. It begins with a decision, but because memories or another set of words or actions may trigger old feelings, you may need to recommit to forgiveness over and over again.
What if the person I'm forgiving doesn't change?
Getting the other person to change their actions, behavior or words isn't the point of forgiveness. In fact, the other person may never change or apologize for the offense. Think of forgiveness more about how it can change your life — by bringing you more peace, happiness, and emotional and spiritual healing.
Forgiveness takes away the power the other person continues to wield in your life. Through forgiveness, you choose to no longer define yourself as a victim. Forgiveness is done primarily for yourself, and less so for the person who wronged you.
What if I'm the one who needs forgiveness?
It may help to spend some time thinking about the offense you've committed and trying to determine the effect it has had on others. Unless it may cause more harm or distress, consider admitting the wrong you've done to those you've harmed, speaking of your sincere sorrow or regret, and specifically asking for forgiveness — without making excuses.
But if this seems unwise because it may further harm or distress, don't do it — it's not about making yourself feel better by apologizing. You don't want to add salt to a painful wound. Also, keep in mind that you can't force someone to forgive you. They will need to move to forgiveness in their own time.
In any case, we have to be willing to forgive ourselves. Holding on to resentment against yourself can be just as toxic as holding on to resentment against someone else. Recognize that poor behavior or mistakes don't make you worthless or bad.
Accept the fact that you — like everyone else — aren't perfect. Accept yourself despite your faults. Admit your mistakes. Commit to treating others with compassion, empathy and respect. And again, talking with a spiritual leader, mental health provider or trusted friend or relative may be helpful.
Forgiveness of yourself or someone else, though not easy, can transform your life. Instead of dwelling on the injustice and revenge, instead of being angry and bitter, you can move toward a life of peace, compassion, mercy, joy and kindness.

Old old version of the HATS chapter

this is something that I going to scrap....CAUSE IM REWRITING THE CHAPTER


It has yet to be edited and has a lot of missing parts. Notice the "....." these are the sections that were left unfinished.

I will be re writing the chapter so please give me some insights on what you thought about this entry so far.

I haven't touched on the importance of building goodwill yet. That is the part on the vitality of having an UMBRELLA in times of intense heat and rain.


Comments are greatly appreciated.




HATS





Something that people can observe from afar, something that people can distinguish you from a crowd.

Look out for Tom, he's always wearing a red trucker cap. The "hat" never changes, it is distinct and static

"Hey Jac!" my friend, Bob as he walked across the coffee place. Smiling, he drew a pink trucker cap from behind him.

"Happy Birthday!", as he plopped it over my head.
Taking the cap off my head, I took a look at its shocking pink color and rather morbid picture of a human brain on the front.
"Geez... thanks Bob, this is what I always wanted!" I smirked, keeping a relatively amused smile on my face. "Are you trying to say that I don't have brains and that I have to wear a hat advertising this message of intelligence?

Bob laughed, "Well I know it annoys you when people think you're just ditzy and lack of substance. Is that one of your greatest pet peeves? And especially when people are pre-sumptuous of your capabilities and identity..."

"Err yah I guess. .. but I still don't think that wearing a cap like this is the best way to get that message across," I smiled.

"Anyways, how did your interview go yesterday?..... Hey... you alright?" I asked as I noticed his change of tone.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Its just a bad interview yesterday. The moment I gave my resume, I knew it was all downhill. They even asked why I did not have a degree! What does that matter with who I am or what I can do?" he fumed in disappointment and disgust.


I could relate to Bob's frustration. Its a frustration that is shared by millions around the world. A person's worth isn't tied to their paper certifications. On the other hand, we do live in very superficial and judgmental world, especially an asian world that puts huge emphasis on your education...

What Bob didn't
have
was
the
right
HAT.




What is a hat?


In my wardrobe analogy, a hat represents your formal education and accumulated experiences. Its what sets you apart in a crowd. Its what can be seen from afar.

For example, the title on your business card or the small print showing your qualifications, the words on your resume; all these are things that you can showcase your abilities without you having to be there.

Its a differentiator that
distinguishes you
from others
whether
you
want
to
accept it
or not.


Some hats can only be worn by certain people; A doctor, a lawyer, an accountant, these are jobs in which specific pre-requisites are needed to their industry competently. It is a requirement not a choice. Other hats are more generic like a degree or masters. If you are in banking or sales, the hat is merely to showcase that you have the thinking capacity and discipline to handle the job or give the teacher/boss what they want. Point is, everyone needs a hat to stand out. If you don't have a hat, you work so much harder to get noticed.











Now everyone knows that paper certification is just to get the job, get in the front door. After that, its up to your flare and actual capabilities to handle the job.
Once you're inside the building,
ALL
HATS
OFF.








Bob's story continued......

......Bob than continued his relenting saying "Why couldn't they give me a chance to tell them of all the stuff I have been through and done. Isn't the present better than the wrapping paper or box that contains it? Like, how much better would it have been if I wrapped the hat I gave you in gold wrapping? Yah it would make you anticipate and gear your expectations for a more expensive gift but after unwrapping the gift, it still won't change the fact that I got you that hat, right?"

"Yes Bob, but what if this was a gift exchange in which you were allowed to choose the gift based on the first impression that it made on you? Would you pick something that is more appealing or go for one that is less appealing?"

"I see where you are going with that, how can I change my options for the next interview. I'm guessing they will pull the same lines as yesterday's. But I know that I deserve this opportunity am can definitely out perform a lot of the other candidates once we are on he same level playing ground".................


...explanation of "emphasis" ..................



A captain's hat, not every sailor can wear it. Even if they wanted to it, they can't. There is a certain status associated with it. If a sailor were to steal it, he wouldn't get the respect that comes along with the hat. The hat is a symbol of the effort and aptitude to get to that position.

The type of hat that you wear can represent the type of character you are. It can define a style that you associate with. For example, my god-brother Dharni wears a beat-boxer hat, but I wouldn't wear it. He looks good in it, but it doesn't fit my personal style. It wouldn't be me. The hat, like all your other clothing is an expression of who you are.

Sometimes, only certain people can wear certain hats. There is a standard dress-code. Its part of what's expected. If you didn't have it or if you were to take it off, you would no longer be accepted and asked to leave. Say for example you were playing for an ......................




I personally love wearing hats because it is the easiest thing to block my messy hair in the beginning of each morning. I remember my normal 'school attire' when I was in College at the University of Toronto. Everyday was a simple tee, a jacket and one of my many hats at home. I first started appreciating hats only after I had more opportunities to wear them after I got out of the uniform stage when I finished my A Levels at National Junior College.

It first started when a friend of mine lent me his hat and everyone started complementing me. I was honestly astonished as I rarely wore hats prior to that. So it was love at first sight. Just like how I am proud to say that I am a graduate of the University that I come from. Though I personally didn't think that much of it, people nod and give me a different level of respect when I mention that I have an overseas education.




My parents have always emphasized the importance of education, but many times it went in one ears and left the other without mush processing involved. But as I mature I am now becoming more aware of the many associations and benefits there are to having a hat.

However the issues I see in today's society is not only about having a hat but the right one for you. One that amplifies your strengths and fits your head shape best.

Lets go into the practical side of a hat. Prior to discovering my newfound love for hats, I only wore a hat when it was too hot outside as I wanted to avoid getting any more freckles. I love sports and anything that involves the sun on my skin. However, I can always recall the many times my mother would remind me to wear my hat to protect my head from burning up from the damage of the sun from the ever so depleting ozone layer.

I like to look at this heat as the pressures and heat that our society bombards us with or should I say scald? We not only live in a society that overly focuses on the importance of education but one that is 'kiasu' about it to. Every child can relate to the stressful and countless late nights of mugging on subject that we hate and information that we can't wait to forget once the examination is over. But we did so still so anyways because that was what everyone else did or was expected to do so as well. We were children lost in what the working adults call the 'rat race'. Being born in the year of a rat myself, I remember the competitiveness that drove me each day.

Plus the funny thing is that I never wanted people to think that I was studying or ever put in hard work. Its different from now when I am in the corporate and working world where I want my colleagues to see the efforts and hours I put in especially if I can't produce results and can only said that i tried my best.

However in my JC days I pretended that I didn't study much and didn't need to not spend those hours mugging. I wanted to be perceived as cool and naturally gifted. It was still a very superficial thinking I must admit, but I did so also because those around me pretended to do so as well. I wanted the grades for sure cause it was not only important to my parents and increasing my future prospects of getting into my desired University but it was also for my own self fulfillment and knowing that I could shine above the rest in subjects that was particularity hard.

I can't forget the time I topped my class in Physics. Yes I said Physics. Many of your must be thinking that would be the last subject you would associate me with, but yah I did love Physics for some reason and I was good at it too. But it was a personal sense of accomplishment. It was different from the feeling I would get from winning a 100m sprint on Sports Day or scoring another touch down for my rugby team, but it was good. It made me feel smart and proud that al my hard work and continuous repetitions paid off.

However, when I take a step back and look at everything I accomplished in my studies, I can't help but put it back into perspective. Yes the credibility I got from graduating from my school felt good and did help me gain some brownie points; it still did not distinguish me enough and secure jobs that my degree geared me for.

Unforeseen circumstances happened in my life. My career direction changed when I was offered to work in Los Angeles for my mother's business friend. I loved the job scope and the fact that working in the States would be cool and the remuneration was better than any entry-banking job would get me. So I had to make a choice and I chose to embark upon this position offered.

However right when I was about to start my dream job, my mother brought on another unexpected element in my life. She dragged me away fro my much needed and deserved holiday in Hawaii to attend what I at first thought was going to be another boring and over rated seminar. But, to my surprise I loved what the speaker had to say. But this again threw my direction off tangent.

A hat can protect you from the rain that represents the unforeseen circumstance in life. But.....


to be continued........

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