Parenting with Grace:

Parenting with Grace:
New Creation Church: Pastor Prince


This is a summary for Pastor Prince's Parenting with Grace sermon. I picked out the nuggets to share them with you. I hoep you will be blessed:)


Jesus was someone who God the Father was well pleased

Ten commandments:
To teach it?
Not a law imposed
So that children will know right from wrong, not an angel or a devil be fine and a human being

Enforce your child’s identity Tell her, because you are a Jesus girl (tell her who she is) -you like to share
You will not lie
You have love in your heart that you will forgive your friends

Versus you should you must, like a law imposed on her separate from her as a person. Tell her who she is.

Note: your child is not perfect and not an angel
Note: stuff that you go through is usually universal, don’t feel like this is targeted directly at you

Our feelings for our children is like experiencing days of heaven upon the earth
Deut:

Relationships have to do with feelings
Qn: are feelings right and wrong or neither good or bad, feelings are unlimited whilst actions are limited


Children need to have their feelings accepted. They need to feel right before they can behave right. Parents need to let us feel right by accepting our feelings.
For e.g parents can say if you are angry, say that you are angry. Feelings aren’t good or bad but they need to know that their feelings are accepted

If u want your child to feel right you need to get into the moment and feel what the child is feeling too….
e.g if someone’s confiding in you, tell her that you were in her position too … but don’t preach yet or let them hear your advise….
Hear what they have to say, sometime the children just want you to listen

If she expressed that she wants something to happen to someone else….parents should not say….”you shouldn’t be feeling this way”
if so, you are not listening with grace...and you are saying that her feeling aren’t justified or right

listen to their feelings…..acknowledge their feelings…listening with grace. Its easier to do it with strangers, you want to impart knowledge and love and have lots of answers you want to give them
but you will be robbing them of the opportunity to work it out herself

its not important how the parent feels but validate their feelings


sympathy: understanding how the other person feels
empathy: feeling what the other feels
to be affect with the same feeling of the other, to feel what the other person feels

get insync with your children’s feelings whether good or bad. Victories and joys and resentments and anger.
You can feel it but u don’t have to execute it in actions, you can just let it go…..


Note: as parents they want to rescue and save our children from everything
From bad and ugly teachers
From other bad influence peers
Defend from any demon and trials and tribulations

But if you protect them from everything and every emotion you can’t grow. Suffering builds endurance that builds character. You need to give them self reliance in Christ

Let them step back, feel that negative emotion.
Don’t straight away rescue them with your money. (e.g. dog died) though the parents mean well, if you come in too fast, you rob the child of growing through that negative experience or accepting that negative feeling(s)

Best way is to take that child on your lap and let them know that you know how they feel, and tell them that their feelings are justified and that its okay to cry. Let them cry and let them experience that growth.

If they don’t understand rejection, by the time they get to teenagers, they are just over grown children….when they step into the work force they are still not standing on their own feet because still waiting for daddy and mommy to save them

Somewhere in their hearts, children know that their parents understand especially when their friends don’t or can’t. This is the way it should be; children should run to their parents first.

e.g a girl tells her parent that she feels like not going to university….and the mom responds with “what!!!!!!!!! You….”

Inside the child’s heart, they are saying that this is the last time they will open up to you. Listen to why, and repeat what they have said. Help them reason it out themselves.
Help them without and judgment, without pouring out quick advice.

If you need to give advice give it in suggestion form

Say, “what do you think if we do it like this?”....let the child see the potential of the idea. Don’t be over rash to give advice to your child. The child will feel stupid and annoyed and end up resenting their parents. Get them to figure it out.

e.g Are we comforted when Jesus feels how we feel?
Nope.
We are delivered Jesus wept, and was able to feel what they were feeling. Not weeping to the point of discouragement, speak to them with grace. When God cried, he entered into our pain.

Don’t make a big show out of it. He feels what we feel, He has not changed today he unlimited! Cause He goes directly to God. He feels what we feel not to make us feel good but to deliver us.


Remember…the first day of school when your child is coming home crying
Don’t answer with: “what did Daddy say? God is with you. You shouldn’t be crying”
Don’t: answer with “There is no reason to feel that way”

Do: help her: tell her that the first day of school is scary and that they don’t know what to do and that the teachers look very scary. It might not totally alleviate her feelings but at least you let them know how that you understand and are providing a listening ear.

Don’t deny their feelings. Thank God that they are sharing with you. Be their friend. Its not too late. Even if they are rebellious, there is no one like daddy or mommy. Bit your tongue, don’t quick to judge or give advice.

Just repeat what she said. Listen with Grace.

Do your best and just listen,

Laugh with her

Feel with her

Even when she says: what do you think mom? Don’t rejoice and be overly quick to give advice.

It might be a test.
Throw back the question and ask “what do you think”

It won’t be long but they will see the difference.

And they will test the difference.

So one day when they think they can’t turn to their friends they will always know that there is someone to turn to

And listen undividedly, don’t watch tv and listen.

Especially when they are sharing their negative feelings, be all there for them eyes and ears.

Not
half
half

Don’t say, what did you do to make the other boy angry? Cause you are taking sides against him.
Don’t be the judge or the prosecutor!!!!!!
Be on the child’s side
The child can be wrong. But it is easier to accept that you are wrong when your feelings are accepted!!!!

e.g injections: Let them know that you know its painful and that there will only be a few more. You can still empathized, accept their feelings and still be a father and mother Avoid saying, “hiyah small pain like that, don’t be a cry baby. You are hurting them You are saying that they feelings are not important or don’t matter, you don’t feel what you feel, you don’t mean what you feel you don’t know what you feel…

When children grow up with a self-esteem that is good and that they learn to respect their feelings. (PANTS CHAPTER)

e.g 12 -13 yr old girls @ swimming pool and guys are approaching them and allow themselves to be abused.
Those that ran: they had learnt to respect their feelings because of the environment in the house.
Those they stayed and allowed to be abused: even though that she felt wrong, she doesn’t trust her feelings anymore. She feels that she is wrong, not the man

Parents need to validate their children feelings and teach them to respect their feelings, there will come a time that what they feel can save them

The way everyone parent should comfort (like God) is to feel what we feel. Rejoice when we rejoice. And cry when we cry.

Example, when you are cracking a joke, if He doesn’t laugh with you, you’ll be like …what? In the beginning was the word, does anything surprise me?

He limits him knowledge so they he can hear something for the first time
So that He can play with us.
There is a playfulness side with our Lord
A sunshine experience
Laughs at good jokes
Listen with grace
Don’t impose the law, with you should you could….earn the right to speak into their lives…….
Make sure its not a test….cause children need proof….:) stubbornness especially with increasing education and advertisement bombardment

Always response with suggestion, what do you think
Teach they to be self-reliant with Christ

Don’t disguise your feelings with religious idea and expressions….like err feel grief in the Spirit….not many will own up to admit that they are jealous of someone else. They disguise it with a spiritual expression that they are grief in their spirit

Words that are not backed up by grace - grief the Holy Spirit
When the Holy Spirit is happy we are strengthened

Qn: What type of words are you saying? Do they uplift and bring down the person you are talking to?


Teaching your child to go the extra mile:

Don’t’ teach your child, to thank people only because they do something in return. We are different as a believer; we do things that people don’t deserve

Question: why are they responding in a bad way? Do something surprising to them
If you praise and give to those who do you good all the time, what makes you different?

Do things that people don’t deserve.

Let God enter into your feelings